I’ve had a very specific post in mind that I’ve wanted to write for quite some time, but recently got a reader question via email that I thought was just perfect. So here we go!
First off – thank you for what you do. your blog is my first stop every morning and I greatly appreciate your attitude, outlook and perspective. I’m 33 and single and you have been such a positive voice and a wonderful reminder that it is OKAY to be single! (I’m also equally obsessed with clean skincare and I really just feel like we’d be dear friends!)
I’ve tried it a couple of times and hated everything about it – from creating a profile, to awkwardly messaging strangers, to the uncomfortable first date.
I would love your advice on all of those things – even your thoughts on how to have a positive mindset about it!
Okay, let’s discuss! I have a lot of feelings and a lot to say (but also thank you for the kind words and for reaching out)!
It pretty sure I don’t want kids. You never know, things could change and maybe one day I will be in my forties and really want one. In that case I will either try to have one biologically or adopt one. Right now though, kids are a HARD no and aunt life is the best life. For me. (PLEASE no judgements/comments on my stance here; we don’t have to all want the same things; that would be SO BORING!)
So that definitely makes it easier from a timing perspective but also harder in it’s own ways (Most men I meet want children, and want them sooner rather than later.)
I think not rushing, and not being under the gun to meet someone to start a family and have babies by XYZ date makes it easier to stay positive. The bar is encontros online vs em pessoa high and will stay high, and I have a life that I really like. IF it felt like my life were missing this huge thing and I were looking at babies the way I look at kittens and puppies, it would be much harder.
I recognize that.
That being said – I still feel like I have something valuable to say that everyone can benefit from. Or at least I hope. I’m going to be brutally honest (as I always am) and give a bit of tough love as I want this post to actually be helpful.
If you had told me ten years ago (when I was 27) that I would one day be 37 and single I would have had a complete conniption. Like, lost my mind and dramatically stayed in bed for days. Being over 35 and “alone” would have been my literal WORST NIGHTMARE. I placed a lot of weight on my relationship. And when I was 29, 30, 31 and in a committed relationship where I thought I had met “the one,” I was definitely v v smug. I’d look at my single friends and say the sort of stuff I hate hearing now. “Don’t worry you’ll find someone,” etc etc.
SO yes, I have been on both sides.
I’ve been the smug coupled off friend. I’ve also been the puddle of a mess of a friend who was so heartbroken she couldn’t eat. There are a lot of Graces that you don’t know because you read this blog, where I don’t talk a lot about this stuff. While I do share a lot with you, I also omit a LOT. So I think it’s easy to look at me and where I am in my life now and think I’m this positive, perennially happy person and that isn’t true.
